“Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet!”
On Tuesday, I’ll be lucky enough to be presenting to the local group of Collaborative Family Lawyers. My co-presenter, Alexandra Lewis is a successful family solicitor from Manches, a large law firm based in London and Oxford (she has worked at Mischon de Reya – the divorce lawyers of Princess Diana) who unusually has a background in psychology and cares deeply about arriving at sound, solid agreements between couples that protect the children.
We were on the phone yesterday morning (yes, we couldn’t find time in our busy schedules to prepare until the weekend!), discussing how it was to be done. We agreed that I would go first to outline DISC personality profiling.
Why, you may ask? When seeking agreement, it’s best to be able to read others accurately and speak their language to develop the warmth and familiarity. The more you show you are a member of their tribe, the more you bridge gaps and create good communication. Consequently everyone listens and understands, couples can move beyond the emotion and a compromise can be hammered out that works for both parties.
You’ll know, having read previous posts, that my company, Anrah is based on 4 principles. We believe that to become influential you must
- become self confident
- manage the impression you are making with your unconscious communication
- read others accurately
- promote your personal brand at the highest level.
Alexandra is going to focus her section on the attributes of a principle-based negotiator. She starts her presentation with a stunning quotation from the great and wise Abraham Lincoln,
“Discourage litigation, Persuade neighbours to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them how the nominal winner is often the real loser in fees, expenses, and waste of time. As a peacemaker the lawyer has a superior opportunity of becoming a good [person].”
A principle based negotiator separates people from the problem, focuses everyone on interests, not positions and any agreement reached should not damage either party’s interests. As you can imagine in divorce, easier said than done.
It’s to their credit that this group of lawyers are so committed at avoiding litigation and arriving at agreement in the shortest period of time. Abe Lincoln was right, it’s a training in goodness.