To Influence Others, First Influence Yourself!

The first stage of Anrah’s ‘Four Stages To Influential Leadership’ is to acquire cast-iron self confidence. To do this you need to to be aware of what has influenced you – and what is continuing to do so. It is imperative to be able to bring to mind these influences which get locked away in the unconscious in order to manage them.

A former client yesterday said he kept noticing that there was more and more to our work that he was still discovering . He continued to feel better and better about himself. This morning I had a meeting with another former client, CEO of a fast growing company who said the relationship with her board was substantially improved and  she now realised that she didn’t have to like football to get on in business! She felt more self assured and confident in her opinion. Though both said that they didn’t know how I had done it!

I’m used to working with the unconscious mind. It is more childlike and emotional. And after 25 years of working as a hypnotherapist, I am constantly reading clues in the subtle nuance of body language, tone of voice, style of expression, shift of subject matter and silences to discover what the unconscious mind is trying to tell me. It’s the thousands of tiny facial micro-expressions that Paul Ekman logged that the intuition gathers and interprets the truth of what’s really going on.

My belief is that the unconscious is the emotionally wise part of us that longs to shake off the negative influences from our past for our emotional health. It attracts us to events, situations and people that remind us of past events, situations and people – that are familiar. That familiarity may be as a result of trauma as well as joy. If traumatic, the unconscious will attempt to access emotion locked up within the psyche in order to discharge it. This is why I occasionally ask clients, “What does this situation remind you of?” So all I was doing with my two clients was to draw attention to what their unconscious minds were telling them.

The strong feelings you experience in the present moment may not belong to the now. In realising that powerful emotion about something or someone may be because it/they remind you of something from your past that frightened, frustrated, bereaved or traumatised you means you can take responsibility for the emotion. You then have a handle on why you have strong feelings out of all proportion to the incident or person. Working in this way means that you can discharge the feeling, have a renewed understanding of your past, have compassion on your younger self and deal in an adult way with the feelings in the present.

In order to influence others, your first objective is to have a positive influence on yourself.


About anrah

Anrah is a business development consultancy specialising in helping senior women in engineering and science, their teams and doctoral students increase 'presence', improve communication and generate impact to win stakeholder buy-in at the highest level.
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