Let me explain – Tony is someone I respect. He was kind enough to invite me to lunch on New Year Bank Holiday because I needed his advice. In return, I felt duty bound to read his book! And what a mine of information.

We British are suspicious of salespeople. We hate to be ‘sold’ to and resist feeling obligated to buy. It’s my observation that British people can be pressurised to buy since we are uncomfortable about saying ‘no’. However we will resent you for it and will never buy from you again. Even worse, we make sure that others know of our resentment.

No, Tony makes it clear that the secret of selling to the British is to inspire us to buy. And one of the great secrets of Tony’s book is to approach your prospective customer with respect.

For instance, I had never come across a piece of advice in books on making sales about how crucial, the attitude of the salesperson is. Tony’s advice is “if you aren’t in the right frame of mind, your customers won’t be either.” Your attitude influences your meeting with your prospect from the start.

First, what do you believe about your prospective customer? Already you will have made a judgement about them – about all prospects in general, as well as the person in front of you. Do you think of prospects as ruthless, ready to nail you to the ground to get a good deal? Or do you see them as concerned to find a solution to their problem? Tony says, “All buyers are professional people who are trying to do their best for their business in very difficult conditions.“

Next, what’s your attitude towards yourself? And what is your current mood? Could you be feeling

• you are too good for this job?
• do you have your good days and your bad days?
• or worst of all, do you hate your job and detest getting out of bed in the morning?

Tony makes it clear you cannot make a decent sale if you don’t care enough. Yet if you are too arrogant and cocky, you will ruin your meeting by failing to listen, or by being too impulsive.

The book includes a mood indicator test to measure the mood you’re in. It then outlines a proven way to raise your mood. Tony calls it getting into your “Zenith Zone”. Your Zenith Zone is where:

• you’re in total control of your feelings
• you’re prepared for every eventuality
• nothing can stop you from achieving your objectives
• every day’s an adventure

Sports psychologists call it getting into your ‘peak state’. This will differentiate all the best and most accomplished sportspeople from the rest. Tony shows you ways in which to access and achieve your “Zenith Zone” and how to maintain it.

I strongly recommend the book. It’s as an easy read for busy people and has some valuable advice to achieve profitable sales. Have a look ……

Immediately I felt threatened. It surprised me I could feel this viscerally. Why did I feel so strongly? I have grown used to seeing Muslim women in my area in a hijab - just a scarf covering the head. And my response? I feel perfectly comfortable and relaxed.

According to Wikipedia, in 2005 a non-Muslim young woman, a student at Eastern Michigan University decided to find out what impact she would make if she wore full niqab. She spent a full semester in niqab and her impression was that no one wanted to be near her. It led her to conclude that conservative Muslim dress is disapproved of in the United States.

Her interpretation is too simple. Certainly it looks as though this form of dress is a political as well as a religious statement. However there is something deeper. If you read my posts, you’ll have come across an entry “Botox Stops You Reading People?” about the difficulty of people who’ve been botoxed to empathise with others. This is because we develop empathy by reading what the other is feeling by mimicking their facial expression. When we are prevented from seeing facial expression, a great deal of non-verbal information is denied us. We rely on facial signals to interpret intention. Those micro-facial expressions Ekman analyses signal what’s really happening in the mind and heart.

When I saw the woman in niqab in the park I didn’t know what her intention was, how she was feeling, what she was thinking. I instinctively made the mistake of filling that unknown with my fear.

Business is based on trust and confidence which is why I always meet people face-to-face. To develop trust, I need to understand their intention. And for that, I need to be able to read their faces.

If you’ve been reading my posts, you’ll know I’m very keen on X Factor - a national singing competition. My favourite last year was an exquisitely voiced and highly talented, Rebecca Ferguson. Thank goodness she came second – and avoided the pressure and expectation of winning. Her backers have sensibly allowed her to take a year out to write songs and develop her voice for the heavy schedule of performances she’s undergoing now at the release of her new album Heaven - a copy of which I was lucky to be given.

I remember her first performance in the audition. She was so shy, she could barely look up from the mic to speak to the judges. As you can see from this YouTube performance, she still has a residue of self consciousness singing her debut single, “Nothing’s Real But Love”. And yet by some miracle, it hasn’t affected her voice.

Often anxiety can affect vocal quality. Your throat is the gateway of all you want to express. As a baby, whenever you were hungry, tired, frightened, angry or just plain lonely you expressed your feelings through your throat via your larynx. You voice was your primary source of communication. Your mother became well trained (if she wanted to be sensitive to your needs) in interpreting what your cries meant. Everything was clear and truthful.

However, as you started growing up, sometimes you expressed things that weren’t socially acceptable. Maybe you embarrassed your parents with your honesty – ” Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained wisdom”. Maybe your family avoided emotional outbursts and denied or suppressed their feelings. So as you grew, they greeted your feelings with disapproval or worse, laughter. Immediately this set up tension within you. It’s as though that expressive gateway got shut off little by little.

In shutting that gateway, your voice will have got distorted with tension. If it kept on closing, it got stuck. Emotions get trapped behind that half closed gate. Your shoulders, your diaphragm, your jaw, your throat will now carry that tension. Your posture will become cramped and misaligned. Your body language has learnt to become inhibited. You have learnt to be self conscious. You are shut off from your feelings.

Rebecca Ferguson has a talent that shines through her modesty. What is particularly splendid is how vulnerable and honest she sounds. It’s as though she has found a way to overcome her fears and express herself that catches a recognition reflex in her listener. Some of her reviewers on Amazon have been in tears on first hearing her new album. She’s found in her voice a channel, a conduit for her emotions rather than a barrier to them. And thanks to her self discipline and tenacity (she has entered X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent before and been turned down) as well as her quality, she generously gives us that conduit to connect with our emotions. She helps us reconnect and recollect ourselves.

That’s why she moves people to tears.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,200 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 37 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Human groups have always made important decisions based on the spoken word.”

I came across this excellent list of tips put together by Sims Wyeth  and quoted in Eric Schurenburg’s blog posting, “10 Zen Ways to Nail Your Next Presentation“. Wyeth’s point is that having an audience to witness your performance is the best way to inspire action since you are marketing to a roomful, not just an individual.

Schurenburg read Wyeth’s (a highly skilled presenter) book “A Zen Monk Has Sweaty Palms” which contains 51 tips on how to become a superb presenter yourself.

There are several that appeal to me. Have a look at:

2) The less you try to impress your listeners with your knowledge, the more they respect you for your expertise.
8) Good presentations are like rivers, bad ones like canals.
9) Control their eyes.

Take a look……. 

“You are walking slowly up one of the aisles. You have spent the previous night sleepless. You knees shake, your mouth is dry, your eyes reflect your sense of horror. You have been invited to give a keynote speech to a national conference of business owners. Those who invited you respect your work and want to give you the chance to promote your services to the assembled company.

You stumble and trip up the stairs. You get up and make it to the centre of the stage. You are now very agitated. In a clumsy move, you accidentally knock over the podium. It falls to the ground with a loud crash. This is a waking nightmare.”

In 1984 a New York Times study on Social Anxiety asked people what they feared the most. Death came third. The top two fears were walking into a roomful of strangers and speaking in public.

My client has no trouble walking into a roomful of strangers. In fact, she is pretty confident. She is owner of an international franchise and is typically warm, enthusiastic, charismatic and effortlessly commanding. Naturally anxious, she is not! However, however. We all have our Achilles Heel. Her challenge has been her horror of public speaking. The scenario that I described at the top is actually what happened to her a year ago.

Her business was expanding fast and she knew she needed to represent her company at higher levels. Which of course meant public speaking. Her business adviser recommended me and we started work together in August this year.

I started by exploring the different audiences she was due to encounter. We looked at a simple DISC personality profile and examined which audience would be more likely to fit which profile and what their needs and concerns would be. As with every presentation, the audience is present for their reasons, not for the presenters’.

Then we looked at the content recognising that most would be forgotten within 48 hours. I find that examining the content and getting the shape really clear increases confidence nicely. We looked at how to manage the crescendos that lead to the “call to action”.

Especially, this talented business owner had a marvellous ability to tell a funny story. So I got her to pick out 3 stories to demonstrate her expertise. Then we looked at PowerPoint. She really ‘got’ that PP is excellent to illustrate, not to inform. Except for the company logo, the rest of her slides were pictures to show off her stories. One of her pictures showed a brussel sprout.

Then I taught her relaxation techniques including self hypnosis and Emotional Freedom Technique to reduce agitation and worry that causes tension before a presentation.

On the day after the presentation, I received this email with “Thank you, thank you, thank you” in the subject box.

“I can’t thank you enough for all your help. 

I did the brussel sprout presentation this morning and it went down a storm.  I had a standing ovation at the end with comments such as:

 “Angela, that has to be the best presentation we’ve had all year”

“What a brilliant way to illustrate what you do – I’ll never see another brussel sprout again without thinking of you!”

“I’m going to a big Christmas Dinner where I’m bound to be served up brussel sprouts – that’ll prompt me to talk to everyone on my table about you.”

I couldn’t believe my luck because as I was driving to the venue, there was a thing on Radio 4 about this year being the best year ever for brussel sprouts and there’s going to be a bumper crop, so I used that as my introduction and told them that the aim of my presentation was to ensure that whenever they saw or ate a brussel sprout in the future, they would automatically think of my company.”

Notice how clever she was in ‘anchoring’ the suggestion to make her company more memorable.

Bright lady. And a pleasure to work with.

I was working with a client on Skype last night. We reviewed our work together over the last 6 months. We both realised the profound change she had made to her life merely by changing her job. She had been in a small company where her talents and expertise were overlooked and neglected. She had been poorly managed – I suspect because the business owner either didn’t realise the value and significance of what she offered or much more likely, knew and wanted what she offered but wasn’t willing to pay the price of change to make things happen.

She is now in a much larger company where her talents are very much appreciated and she is making significant contribution to the wealth and health of that company.

We live in interesting times. At this moment, European leaders are attempting to save the Euro. And yet in my perception, the relationships of each of the countries in the EU to each other has already undergone a dramatic change with the exit of David Cameron and the UK. I can’t help wondering whether he has provided a very useful scapegoat “pour encourager les autres”.  Already I hear that Polish people have been demonstrating because they fear that the stronger political ties that are being agreed to by their leaders in a bid to save the Euro will mean tighter control from Germany (the shades of history loom large).

Whatever happens, we are in a new world where the balance of power is shifting and changing. And we need to adapt to the change.

Change happens whether we like it or not – even Joan Collins’ face ages, however much she tries to look an unblemished 35. Sometimes you can experience big, jolting changes and at others you have quiet, hidden changes you don’t notice until you review and evaluate your life.

You might think that being in control of your choices – going to university, moving house, going on holiday – make change easier to cope with. Having choices is empowering. However, a successfully managed change can get quite as stressful as a change that comes out of the blue. You may have carefully planned an exit strategy from your business only to discover you are feeling overwhelmed and very vulnerable. The impact of sheer exhaustion leaves its mark. Though the mightiest challenge is to give up your old way of life to make room for this new time-rich and routine free existence.

And however successful you’ve been in preparing for the big changes, you have to expect the unexpected – the visa that doesn’t arrive in time, the plea from your CEO offering big money for you to stay, the Rolls Royce from the hire car company breaking down on your wedding day.

To welcome your new life, it’s important to let go of the old one. This is an opportunity to de-clutter the past; to let go of ideas, people, objects that keep you anchored in a past that is over and gone. Jungian thinkers call this phase ‘liminality’ – that doorway between one settled state and another.

Change is scary. Even if the past makes you unhappy, it is still familiar and known. When you stand in that doorway, you are vulnerable. It is the time of greatest learning about life.

This is where resistance can worm its way into your consciousness. Change happens whether we like it or not. When you go all out for what you want, resistance (another word for fear) will try to undermine and weaken your resolve. You’re out there on that trapeze in mid-flight between one swing and the other when resistance tells you that this is stupid, doomed to fail. If you falter, resistance wins and you’ll fall. And maybe you need to fall a number of times before you discover that you were right and you can succeed.

So welcoming change is to welcome growth; is to welcome the strength of character that brought it about.

• Take care of your health – keep relaxed and fit. Change can be stressful, even happy change.
• Decide what positive thing you want out of this experience and keep focused on that.
• Make your plans though be ready to change them too.
• Make sure that your expectations are realistic.
• Meditate, do self-hypnosis, do yoga – anything to develop your intuition and creative thinking – you’ll need to be flexible to adapt to the changes.
• Recruit others to help you. Sometimes getting advice and understanding can put things in perspective.
• Don’t rush. This is a profound process so don’t expect to be able to adapt quickly.
• Keep blame and guilt out of this – of you or others. You have enough on your plate right now. The blame game will only make the resistance stronger and you will suffer for it.
• Stay grounded – form a new routine or tradition. These rituals keep you anchored and sane. Come up with some that are fun and replenishing.
• Make a list of all the changes you have successfully mastered. This overcomes resistance and strengthens your resolve.
• Be gentle with yourself. This is a stressful time so be compassionate, patient and tolerant.

 Heraclitus, an ancient Greek philosopher is famous for his insistence on ever-present change in the universe, as stated in his famous saying, “No man ever steps in the same river twice”. Change is a natural part of life. It is happening all around you all the time. How you respond to it determines your happiness and peace of mind. Resist change and you will suffer. Welcoming change eases your stress and helps you move through your change in a healthy way. Graciously welcome it and you will flourish.

I’ve been reading “Watching The English: The Hidden Rules Of English Behaviour” by Kate Fox. Fox is an anthropologist who has studied very carefully English mores and behaviour. She is masterly in observing how we English operate.

One of her many fascinating observations is how frequently we use humour and in particular, irony and understatement. Irony’s used as a socially bonding technique as it is a defence mechanism. It is so woven into the fabric of our language that people from other cultures can get very confused. Fox cites the example of Americans who complain they never know when the English are joking. As you can imagine, it’s particularly difficult and challenging if a £millions deal is being negotiated between people of different cultures.

Fox tells us that it’s part of an “Importance Of Not Being Ernest” attitude. When English people watch the Oscars and see tearful stars wearing their hearts on their sleeves, they feel uncomfortable. They get embarrassed. They use irony to relieve the discomfort. Note that English stars, when presenting tend to either give something low key and brief or light and humorous.

A few years ago, I had a client who was French. He was MD of a European company, subsidiary to a US firm. His senior team came from across Europe and everyone’s second language was English. He felt secure because like him, everyone else whether from Poland, Italy or Spain was adapting their style of communication.

However, he had just received news that filled him with excitement and not a little dread. He had been appointed by the Vice President of his company in the States to head up the English subsidiary. He knew that potentially he could be shut out of communication with his team. He would miss the jokes, the ironic references, the understatement even though he’d lived in the UK for 5 years. He knew that humour is a great motivator. He would need to learn how now especially since his company was in trouble and he’d been appointed to save it. He felt at a complete disadvantage.

Another client of mine an engineer, gives presentations to the excellently-educated, multi-lingual Danish. She is helping to restructure the company so it’s vital that everyone understands and supports her intentions. She prefers however to present complex processes and procedures in pictures and diagrams. She finds the message gets remembered and retained in a much more compelling and vivid way.

Jokes can divide your audience, especially if you are presenting to people from other cultures. Be especially careful of irony since your audience may not be able to follow and get confused.

We were talking about ‘endings’. We agreed that in order to create the possibility of new beginnings (fresh career, new relationship, more fulfilling role etc) you must create a void, a space, a gap. To do that, you need to finish things off well. However frustrated you feel about how your boss treats you, however upset and hurt you are in your relationship, you need to finish things well so you don’t carry any unresolved feelings with you. Any of that unresolved stuff is clutter which prevents you from being open to new opportunities and possibilities. Rage against your ex-spouse pollutes future relationships (as well as current ones), guilt that you did a less than adequate job last time will cloud your performance in the current role, prolonged unresolved grief over a parent isolates you and undermines your health and happiness.

You can even apply this idea to your presentations. It’s as well to examine what happened over a presentation you aren’t happy with. Ask yourself,

• How am I feeling about it?
• What’s the reason(s) I’m feeling this way? (Make a list)
• Look at the outcome I wanted – how close did my presentation get to fulfilling that outcome?
• What can I do differently another time?

This last is the crucial question since it’s no good trying to re-rehearse what went wrong. All  you’ll do is reinforce the uncomfortable feeling. You now need to make peace with yourself so you can move on.

Many times I have come across those terrified of giving presentations since a particularly hideous experience. The resultant feeling is reinforced with constant re-rehearsing of the horror and humiliation – you were so nervous, you knocked over the podium at a conference; you were wiped the floor with by a belligerent and intolerant chairman; you had an expert in the front row who knew far more than you did and revealed it in the Q and As!

Make peace with yourself and dwell on what worked. Remember your competence and your good performances. And leave behind feelings of unresolve that do not serve your best interests.

Pressure and tension affects breathing – either by tightening of the diaphragm and forcing the breathing to become shallow or by holding the breath with a consequent hyperventilation. This may produce dizziness, a dry mouth, shaking and trembling, stomach churning and increased pulse. These symptoms distract attention. They certainly impair concentration. They can turn into panic. At the very least, you lose volume or run out of breath before the end of the sentence. Your voice then sounds breathy, as though you’ve been running.

Tension distorts amplification as well as resonance and tone. Your voice can sound shrill when you dampened the lower frequencies by tensing up the muscles in your throat. That shrillness agitates your audience and increases tension in the room. This particularly affects women who have lighter voices and undermines their authority since men find it hard to absorb information conveyed by the higher registers in a voice. It encourages restlessness and frustration, especially in modern environments where there are hard surfaces and laminate flooring. These dampen lower frequencies and amplify higher ones.

When I was teaching Drama in the mid to late ’70s and early ’80s, schools I taught at (for 11 – 18 year olds) had big picture windows, vinyl flooring and shiny painted surfaces. I noticed even though I had had voice training every day for 3 years at drama school, I lost my voice quite frequently in the first few years. My voice rose higher and higher to contend with the noise from children in the class (in those days, I had classes of up to forty-two 15 year olds). Even then, I could not make myself understood. Why? Because those shiny, gleaming surfaces distort sound. I became convinced that the reason some teachers had discipline problems was because they couldn’t make themselves understood, however hard they shouted because of the environment they were in. The more they raised their voices, the more distorted they sounded and the more agitated their class became.

As Nietzsche says,

“We often refuse to accept an idea merely because the tone of voice in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us.”

Tension is infectious. When you most want calm and clarity, your tension will promote tension in others.